He Says:
Hi Joanne. What can I say? It is hard as it already is and being a guy means there is a possibility that you "hate" all guys today because of your predicament. But I assure, not all guys are so called polygamous. Many still remain faithful in their relationships.
Hate is a strong word to use in a relationship. Since you are open to forgiveness, then there is still love in you for your boyfriend. My assumption is that he has repented and asked for your forgiveness.
I know it's not easy to forgive -- and even harder to forget. But yes, forgiveness is key to starting over. The "forgetting" part will be a challenge. Realistically, you won't forget the incident but you will somehow forget the pain in time. The initial steps require a lot of love, patience and dedication to repair the damage together. The journey towards love the-second-time-around shall entail commitment to focus on what is in front of you and not deal with the past.
If you are able to laugh about the past, that will be a good indication that you are ok and "forgetting" has happened.
So how do you forget? Never bring up the past while working on a better future together. That will be the first step. This done daily plus regular communication (on anything under the sun) will be a huge move towards a better relationship.
Involve God in your relationship. Without spirituality in your lives, you will be missing a lot of blessings. Partners who pray together, stay together.
Wishing you God's blessings!
She Says:
Dear Joanne, I hope I can address your concern as direct as possible. So here goes...
First, I am glad that you are "leaning towards forgiveness." That is a sign that you have love left for you boyfriend. Forgetting will be a painful process but you will get there, I promise.
I know that the pain will not easily go away. That is a fact. But dealing with pain starts with accepting that it happened. You will always be asking yourself many questions as to why it happened. But since it did, both of you have to look into yourselves and see what could have led your boyfriend astray. It is not a matter of who made a mistake. It is all about doing the next steps so it doesn't happen again (and again!).
Talk. Talk. Talk. Then listen. Communication will always be an important factor in all relationships. When this bogs down, all hell breaks loose.
The key to forgetting the pain is to replace it with happy memories. Do this daily together. Make it a commitment.
Go on a vacation. Or even a stay-cation. The essential part is to create more happy memories in any way you can. it doesn't take a lot of money to do this. Add more humor in your relationship. Be more daring. Do more fun activities together. Walk more often. Enjoy each other's company.
Most of all, have God at the center of your relationship. Pray or worship together. This will make a stark difference in your relationship. Count on it!
I hope you start on your forgiveness journey today. I will pray for both of you.
Stay happy!
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